You know what I've decided? Loneliness stinks.

I preached this past Sunday and in my sermon I told a story from my high school days. As Ive been sitting here thinking about this story from my past I can't help but think about loneliness...because this was one of the loneliest moments in my life.

I was 16 years old. My parents had divorced a few months before and I moved with my dad and younger brother to Oklahoma City. I didnt like Oklahoma. It was different from Northern Virginia (where I had moved from). To me, Oklahoma was full of kids with bleached hair, tight jeans, tucked in shirts, and country music (I later found out that this wasn't really the case, but it was what I thought at the time). They all seemed to have lived there all their lives, so they all knew each other, and when the school year started no one seemed to notice a new face with baggy pants and grungy clothes. I was out of place.

At home things werent much better. It wasnt bad, but it was just quiet. My dad was dealing with his recent divorce. My little brother wasnt doing well either. So I would just come home at night and watch TV or play guitar or sleep. I had no friends. I didnt want any friends.

I joined the high school baseball team, but those kids in Oklahoma were serious baseball players, and I wasnt as good. They also were crass in a way I had never really encountered before. No comfort on the baseball field.

Thinking back on that time in my life now I realize that things werent that bad, I was just lonely. The worst day happened a little before Halloween.

I was walking in a crowded place in the school. I was wearing my baggy jeans and a long sleeved navy blue shirt with a picture on the front. I remember exactly what I was wearing that day because my clothes were exactly what one guy chose to emphasize. As I walked down the hall I heard a voice say, "Nice ­______ shirt, ______."(I leave blanks because the words used there arent really appropriate). Over and over I heard this phrase. It took me a minute to realize he was talking to me. He was following me too, so I couldn't get away. People were staring. He was getting louder. All I wanted was for him to shut up, but the words kept coming and I couldnt get away. The mocking continued. He was judging me because of my style in clothes, and the names he as calling me cut me deep. Derogatory words that serve to only batter and beat down people.
When he finally stopped shouting the phrase at me I heard something even worse than his taunts: laughter. People were laughing at me.

My mind was racing...How did this happen? How could people be laughing at me? I'm cool aren't I? What's wrong with these people...no, whats wrong with me?
I still remember that feeling. Because in my whole life I had never felt that low. I had never felt so alone.

It hurt so bad. I dont know how to describe how bad it hurt. But I bet lots of people know exactly what I'm talking about. I wanted badly to look around for a friend. The saddest part was that I did not have any friends to stand beside me. All I had was a hallway full of people whoe were ready to chime in a word of critique.

This memory is one of my least favorite memories. Sometimes, I wish it would leave my mind forever. But I'm actually glad it stays. It makes me think of the Bible, to tell you the truth. It makes me think of that story in Matthew about the leper. You remember the story? The leper runs to Jesus and says, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."

It makes me think not so much how Jesus healed him and all the implications of that healing, but it makes me think of this poor guy's life up to this point. What I mean is, I had only felt extreme loneliness a few times in my life, but this poor leper had a lifetime of loneliness. He couldn't worship with anyone else in the synagogue because he was declared unclean due to his disease. He couldn't touch a non-leprous person because that would infect the clean person with the unclean disease. He had to walk down the street with his face and body covered and he had to shout, "Unclean! Unclean!" so people would know to stay away from him. Some Rabbis were known to actually run in the other direction when they saw a leper coming. Others had been known to throw rocks at a leper to get the leper to leave the area.

This leper was completely shunned by society. That is, until Jesus entered the picture. When Jesus came along he did what no other person had ever done to this poor leper: Jesus touched him. He reached out in kindness and love and physically touched this man...not only cleansing him of his disease, but touching him as if to say, "You're not alone anymore."

This was not just a physical healing, it was also a spiritual healing. Now that the leprosy was gone, this man could worship with other Jewish people in the Temple (which was THE place to worship God in those days). Not only that, he was now a new man who could be emotionally connected to others. He could give and receive hugs. He could hold hands. He could kiss. He could wrestle. Can you imagine what it would be like if you were in his shoes? Could you imagine what it would be like to touch a person for maybe the first time in your life?

One thing I've been reminded of this week is the complete and total healing that we receive from Jesus. He not only forgives our sins and allows us to go to Heaven, but he gives us the opportunity to have real community with other people. I hope we all can remember that. When you're plugged in to a group of believers there really is no reason to be completely overcome by loneliness. Well probably still feel lonely sometimes, but the thing is, Jesus loves us always, even when times are dark and we feel alone. He said it himself, I will never leave you, nor forsake you.

:::Book Recomendation: Encounters with Christ by Mark Moore:::